Seriously… I didn’t know

It’s been over 4 years since I have written my Dot’s Sex and the Suburbs blog. I stopped somewhere around October 12, 2013, when I went on my first date with My Very Own Mr. Big. Something about this man made me want to keep it to myself and not jinx what was sure to be a very promising relationship. For those of you who are reading my “blog” for the first time, my goal was to take you on a trip with me through the tumultuous world of post-divorce dating. And so it continues…

My Very Own Mr. Big took me to the Lackawanna Station Restaurant in the Scranton area for an amazing dinner. If you’ve never been – I highly recommend it. It has a unique ambiance, and delicious food. I remember so many details about the night – what he wore, what I wore, the things we said. I remember how the food tasted, how everything smelled – if I close my eyes I can easily take myself back to that very night.

Many dates followed, every one of them amazing. The way he made me laugh from day 1 is the way he made me laugh to day 1,460. It’s that sense of humor – mostly corny – that kept me coming back for more. That and a million other things. I have never met someone so generous with his time, his money, his everything. To be honest, it’s almost generosity to a fault, but that’s a discussion for another time. I also have never in my life known any man who could go from business-savvy to tossing kids around in a pool to wielding power tools on a home remodel . He is a virtual chameleon in his abilities to adjust to every situation, as well as to make the best of every situation. And did I mention his patience? Good Lord, I can push his buttons more than anyone, and he very rarely gets frustrated…rarely. I am blessed.

Fast forward 4 years from date 1, now to a quiet lunch in a nice restaurant downtown. We decided on lunch for our anniversary, as most of our evenings are spent working on one house or another, clearing land, coaching sports, or chauffeuring kids from one activity or another. We were seated at a linen-clothed table for two, in a markedly empty restaurant – most restaurants are hopping downtown at the lunch hour. My Very Own Mr. Big shuffled the glasses and flatware around on the table, in true compulsive fashion, lining up everything symmetrically, and leaving a space between us. A little eye-roll and smirk from me, a quiet comment on this need for order and control, prompted a “maybe I just want space to hold your hands” from him. With that, I offered my hands to him, and he took them into his. He smiled ever so slightly as I noticed something being exchanged from his hands to mine. And thus began the next stage in our life together – I was no longer a girlfriend and he, no longer a boyfriend (phrases I began to mock after around year 2 or 3 together, as they always made me feel like a teenage relationship). He offered to me the most beautiful ring in the world, and a promise of the future.

He admitted to me that he was nervous that the restaurant was empty, as my shrieks of excitement would surely echo throughout the empty restaurant. When no shrieks came, he was positive I had learned of his secret plan (it’s possible I have a tendency to hone in on my Private Investigation skills, as surprises cause me a bit of anxiety). But… Seriously… I didn’t know. I didn’t shriek, I didn’t shrill, I didn’t jump up and down with excitement. It sounds callous, so I will explain.

I knew from the first time I saw My Very Own Mr. Big, at the end of the Little League picnic in the spring of 2013, that he would be mine (ask any of the 4 ladies I told that very phrase to that afternoon, they will confirm it). I didn’t know him, I never spoke a word to him before, and I didn’t have the nerve to say a word to him until later that summer. But, sometimes we just know the fate that lays before us, and we have to proclaim it with confidence.

Since that time, I have replayed today’s restaurant-moment in my head a million times, and so for me, it was as natural as anything when it happened. It was not a rush of excitement and giddiness; it was an overwhelming sense of calm. Every single anxiety I have had throughout our relationship, believe me – there were many, was calmed. Every single worry and concern – calmed. Every single bit of doubt – calmed.

I assure you, the giddy feeling happened shortly after lunch, and I walked around with a goofy-ass grin plastered to my face. But, in that very moment when he symbolically promised to be the rock in my life, for the rest of our lives, I was absolutely calm.

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